I like hammering nails and speaking in tonguesįor the chorus, Cornell disrupts the song’s established calm demeanor to deliver his iconic raspy scream. The lyrical structure to “Doesn’t Remind Me” follows a basic formula: “I like _ and _ ’cause it doesn’t remind me of anything.” Cornell sings these lines in a calm, melodic manner, allowing the listener to relax with him as he lists the things he likes to do. Or maybe this is what I need those words to mean. The lyrics to “Doesn’t Remind Me” are about finding pleasure in mundane activities to avoid thinking about the heavier things in life. So, I found happiness in the present moment – simple things like enjoying the scenic route to the A train, establishing “the usual” at the same few restaurants, and going home right after work to enjoy downtime. My wondering led to extreme anxiety and complete avoidance. I wondered what life would look like when it came to dating, going to a concert, and dealing with my family during the holidays. Around this time, I was struggling with something I learned was called “sober firsts” – experiencing activities all over again, one day at a time, without drugs or alcohol. The lyrics to Audioslave’s 2005 hit, “Doesn’t Remind Me” suddenly made sense to me. In addition to hearing and seeing things differently, sobriety also helped me relate to art on a deeper level. Once I understood my own mental health issues, I could finally understand mental health and addiction on a macro level. Through therapy and support groups, I was able to identify and work through the reasons I drank and drugged in the first place. These people – these young people – were dying because of addiction and mental health issues. Bennington was the godfather to Cornell’s son he also sang “Hallelujah” during Cornell’s eulogy.
That familiar ache came back just two months later, when Chester Bennington, the 41-year old lead singer of Linkin Park and Cornell’s close friend, took his own life on what would have been Cornell’s 53rd birthday. That feeling returned when I heard the news of Chris Cornell’s suicide in 2017. I felt the gravity of that situation, realizing that I almost died, too. For the first time in years, I thought about when I passed out in science class. I envisioned Weiland’s lifeless body on his tour bus. I couldn’t stop thinking, This could have been prevented. It felt like someone had stuck a pin in it. When I heard the news, I grabbed my heart. Scott Weiland died on his tour bus in 2015, five days after I quit drinking. In my sobriety, drug-related deaths began affecting me differently. True to his heavy metal roots he said, “Yeah… it’s like life is turned up to 11!” We laughed, on the same sober journey together. I remember calling my dad, who’s now sober, asking him if he’d experienced these sensations, too. Colors were brighter, sounds were louder, feelings were stronger. In my first few months of sobriety, I experienced what’s called a “pink cloud” – life at a higher frequency. I finally got clean at age 30, documenting my entire journey along the way on my blog, SobrieTeaParty. I went on to abuse drugs and alcohol for fifteen more years. I was an only child who desperately needed guidance, and I settled for drugs instead. My mother (his former groupie/music trivia aficionado) was there physically but preoccupied with her own mental demons. My father (a heavy metal musician) was in and out of my life at the time, dealing with his own depression and alcohol abuse. I passed out in science class from a near overdose on Xanax and Hydrocodone and got expelled during junior year. I didn’t know it at the time, but my sophomore year would be my last traditional year of high school. I’m just like everybody else.”Ĭornell’s quote resonated with me on a personal level. Then I ended up having as bad a problem as anyone’s going to have and still be alive. I was pretty sure that nothing like that would ever happen to me. I didn’t eat, I drank a lot, I started taking pills, and at some point you just get sick of it. So I went through a couple of years of depression again. And then when my personal life got out of hand, I just got loaded.
I was pretty reliable I took care of business. I’d had several years of being in control of my alcoholism. “At first to prescription medication and then to pretty much everything. Cornell shared about his addiction in a now infamous 2006 Spin interview: He had been sober for thirteen years before relapsing, just months before his suicide. The frontman for Soundgarden, Temple of the Dog, and Audioslave had openly discussed his struggle with substance abuse, depression, and panic attacks that started when he was 14. May 18th marks two years since the world lost Chris Cornell. This week, Tawny Lara navigates sobriety with a reminder from a musician who lost his battle with addiction. ONLY NOISE explores music fandom with poignant personal essays that examine the ways we’re shaped by our chosen soundtrack.
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